great and terrible day we live in

great in that a black man has become our president. terrible in that the morality of our nation has stooped so low as to elect a man who is silencing the voice of the unborn one more step today. as his first act as our president he will sign an act that will make it a CHOICE for a woman to abort her child. for a man who wants to make change for the poor and needy, he is silencing the voice of the most innocent of the poor and needy, the unborn who cannot defend themselves.
i am grieved today. i pray this man will have a Saul of Tarsus experience and move on behalf of the Lord's heart for our nation rather than the people's desire to self-govern themselves and be the lord of their own lives and the lives of our children.

a note from lou engle below

Lou Engle
Hope, Change for the Unborn

Two days ago our nation's first African American president, Barak Obama, was escorted onto a regal platform before the masses of America. He put his hand on the Bible (the actual Bible Abraham Lincoln used for his oath) and then briefly made his inaugural oath to protect the Constitution.

Borrowing from the theme of President Obama's inauguration, it seems that today we have a new Abraham Lincoln and are on the brink of witnessing, in all its glory, "A New Birth of Freedom" for America. It is amazing how we can honor the heroes of justice in our past and stand in the very shadows of their memorials but not learn the lessons that history taught.

Engraved on the walls of Lincoln's monument are the words of his second inaugural address, "Fondly do we hope, fervently do we pray, that this mighty scourge of war may speedily pass away. Yet, if God wills that it continue until all the wealth piled by the bondsman's two hundred and fifty years of unrequited toil shall be sunk, and until every drop of blood drawn with the lash shall be paid by another drawn with the sword, as was said three thousand years ago, so still it must be said 'the judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether.'"

Abraham Lincoln most certainly drew his inspiration from Numbers 35:33 ("So you shall not pollute the land where you are, for blood defiles the land and no atonement can be made for the land, for the blood that is shed on it except by the blood of him who shed it") as well as Genesis 9:5-6 ("Surely for your life blood I will demand a reckoning... Whoever sheds mans blood, by man his blood shall be shed, for in the image of God he made man.")

Lincoln came to understand that the Civil War was God's divine discipline upon a people and a nation who refused to live according to God's laws. Lincoln was aware that the Civil War was a day of reckoning for the horrific injustice of slavery and the shedding of innocent blood done in the name of economic gain and racial oppression. If what Lincoln came to conclude was true, and if 600,000 men died on the battlefields of the Civil War for the blood of slavery, what will it mean if God brings a day of reckoning for the shed blood of conservatively 48 million aborted babies since Roe v. Wade 1973?

If Abraham Lincoln was right in his assessment of the Civil War, then the shedding of innocent blood is a most serious offense against the One who creates, sustains, and loves life. Anyone who has seen the graphic pictures of abortion know that this is a shedding of blood and blood does not make a distinction between an unborn person and a born person. This issue of blood takes abortion way out of the realm of choice.

So now, while proclaiming a new day of freedom, President Obama has promised to sign the Freedom of Choice Act, and in so doing would be ruling exactly for that which President Lincoln stood against, the lifeblood of the slave. This is a harrowing moment in American history. While Obama has promised to make abortion rare, the FOCA will remove every restriction of abortion from conception to possibly born alive infants. To remove law is to remove restraint. Law restrains evildoing. It can't change hearts but it can prevent many from shedding innocent blood.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said that he couldn't keep a person from hating him but through legislation could keep him from beating him. The laws of God are good for society and for the well being of its people. The passing of FOCA would be an act of lawlessness in the highest degree and will only increase and magnify the tragedy of abortion to children, to mothers and society.

The Constitution that governs this nation was founded on the belief that no man's freedom can come at the cost of another and all men deserve to live free of repressive edicts, fear of death, and tyrannical oppression.

And so we go on refusing to learn from history demanding our own choice and our own freedoms at the cost of the most innocent of all, the unborn child. We call on President Obama to listen to the voice of thousands of Christians who voted for him under the impression that he would make abortion rare. Live up to your word for the sake of America.

Lou Engle is co-founder of The Call, an evangelical effort to gather young adults to pray and fast for revival. In 2004, Engle planted the first Justice House of Prayer in Washington, D.C. JHOPs have emerged in San Francisco, Boston, New York and San Diego.

i'm really bad at updating my blog, but i really have good intents to

its really the truth.
i want to blog more, but mostly it's hard for me to put my "feelings" and "experiences" into a blog. which i think is ok. i come to here to write when i have a bit of time and patience to figure out what really has been going on with me.

i've been able to be very honest with myself lately.
1. i've been offended with God
2. i'm very selfish
3. i want my heart to be alive and it's NOT, BUT i have to DO something about that, it doesn't just occur.

and this is how i've been handling them in the past couple days.
1. offense with God. - this causes me to be pretty much easily offendable with people especially my husband who always has my best interest in mind. my husband isn't my enemy, in my heart, God has been. I'm either really frustrated with Him or forcing myself to say thank you when He finally does what I wanted Him to do.
I finally discussed this with Ben and he had me pray specific things that night. He had me confess, repent, and ask for a new start.
New Start is an impossible idea for me because I don't understand God's forgiveness. I think I should still pay for what I've been doing and acting towards the Lord, but for real I can repent, change my ways, and I am completely clean! HALLELUJAH!

2. i think i don't have a lot, but i really am very rich in the natural and spiritual. i have an enormous house that is filled with amazing men of the Lord and an amazing husband and daughter. i have food everyday even if i have to be creative to make something. i get "treats" on a regular basis as far as food, dates, etc. i have loving friends and family who are always willing to help.
this makes me selfish if i say i don't "have" enough. mostly all i think about is me and that's my biggest problem. i'm working on this one. Or should i say the Lord is working on this one.

3. i have to be intentional if i want my heart alive. i can't listen to my "do whatever you want" voice in my head. If i want to hear from the Lord concerning issues with my daughter or other things, i actually have to be intentional to hear Him. If i want my heart alive in the Word and relationship with the Lord again i have to DO it. thus i am working on this one too.


BUT i feel like i have come to an amazing place in my heart concerning ZHOP. I love my husband's role there. His heart is alive. I get to see him WAY more than most wives get to see their husbands even though he works 55-60 hours a week. i'm honored to serve with and under Kirk Bennett as my leader and friend. He is an amazing leader and has been set as a leader over many whether they like it or not and i'm learning that it is WRONG to speak down about my leaders in any situation because GOD placed them as my leader (now my husband is my leader at work and at home!) :)
i'm changing my outlook that Ben isn't just "doing this for fun", but ZHOP is his work! he's going to work and he needs to be there to provide for our family spiritually, financially, and in all other aspects. i appreciate my husband and i appreciate zhop and it's role in my life and its accountablity. this is awesome!