christmas eve

i've been feeling like time has passed around me very quickly lately. you know how when you're young you think about hitting a certain age and you think you'll feel like a completely different person? I'm realizing, I used to think that way about the age 21. I am 21 years old. I used to think i'd probably be in college, doing what normal 21 year olds do. I thought I may have a serious boyfriend and would be still following the Lord but actually what I really meant is living a complacent life of irresponsibility with little revelation of Jesus on my heart and living a visionless life.
Well, I'm 21. I have an amazing husband (thank you Lord) who is full of integrity and loves the Lord with all His heart. Ben has brought amazing balance to my own characteristics and tendencies. My husband has brought me significantly closer to the Lord.
I have a 7 month old baby girl who is absolutely the cutest and most beautiful little girl ever. She is just like me in a lot of ways and looks exactly like my husband. She is totally full of life and aggression even at a young age. We named her Kennedi Rachel. Kennedi means "armored chief or helmet head (also means iron will)" Rachel means "little lamb or innocense". I always thought these 2 meanings are opposites so I really thought Kennedi would be a little like the Lord in the ways He's a Lion but also a Lamb. I thought she'd really have the boldness of a leader or lion but have the tenderness of a lamb and willingly following the One(s) she loves. This is so true. I am so thankful for this special little gift, although she has put me through quite the ringer with the Lord, she has brought delight and joy in my heart and in my husband's heart and pretty much anyone she meets she brings a smile to.
I am 21, and I don't feel any different. I don't feel like I'm a completely different person than that 14 year old wondering what it would feel like to be 21. It's almost the year 2009 and I feel like I should still be waking up to mom and dad wrapped presents covering around our christmas tree, but no. Not this year. We are the parents, we have wrapped gifts under our tree for our daughter and each other. We're the BIG kids this year. We still get the gifts from mom and dad and friends to put under our tree, but all-in-all I don't feel any different. It's really weird.

Side note is that it's Christmas Eve and every year about this time I can and do these 2 things.
1. i wish i would've done this..... this year
2. i hope to do this..... next year

I decided to not do either. I am completely content with where I'm going in the Lord and content in the season I'm in. I am beginning to realize if I hurry the seasons along and try to get out of them and not actually gain from the current season, that eventually i'll end up right back here in the spot i so eagerly wanted to get out of. so here i am, planting my flag down in the dirt of the wilderness, because HEY! i'm getting comfortable here. Jesus likes me, i still don't understand that. it's going to be Christmas tomorrow (that is a phenomenon in and of itself) and i'd rather just sit in the confusion and awe of the fact that GOD became MAN, Creator became His creation, only to die and be the eternal sacrifice for my sins so that I would no longer be required as the sacrifice. He was the perfect sacrifice and He came in the innocense of a babe.

It is true that "through the mouth of babes, He has ordained perfect praise"

instead of figuring out what next year will be like, what this year has been like, i'm going to enjoy and love the place i'm at. I am going to love my family, love the Lord and love those around me as best I can.

have a good Christmas eve.