tired, very very tired.

well, not a very positive post right now.
my daughter has never really napped well. well meaning for long periods of time without awaking and enduring through making her cry it out to get back to sleep or else getting her up from short naps is a disaster. Every once in awhile i'll have an amazing day where she'll sleep an hour and a half in the morning, an hour and a half in the early afternoon, then another 30 minute nap in the early evening then getting her to bed at 7pm. those are RARE, especially lately. for awhile she did wonderfully just me laying her down, she not making a peep, but getting up 45 minutes later, well, not anymore. just recently i've been trying to work on getting her naps to be longer and all of a sudden she doesn't fall asleep quietly, lots of talking, some crying, then following with a 30-45 minute nap. then not knowing when she'll be tired next then she follows it with a short very high tempered afternoon nap then another 3rd nap that normally takes her an hour to get to sleep.
needless to say, i'm tired. i'm tired of guessing all the time, every day doing it differently, trying new things every day to try to figure out her normal sleep patterns and it's not getting better, it's getting worse. i'm frustrated every day all day and have just been asking ben "it's going to get better right?" for the last 3 months. it seems kennedi's short-lived life so far (almost 7 months) has been one of trial and tribulation, troubles and frustrations, if it's not one thing, it's another. i feel left alone right now. i've tried everyone's suggestions, everyone's opinions, etc. nothing has worked. yeah, i know i gotta pray and ask the Lord, but it seems He also is just letting me loose to try to figure it out. i'm worn down. i can really see my sinful nature in myself all the more and mostly, i hate the feeling of loneliness. being alone in trying to figure it out. husband doesn't have a clue cuz he's not home to know anymore than i do.
needless to say,
pray for me. kennedi and i need break through